gobsmacked

one cold and drizzly afternoon last week I decided to
spend the afternoon reading. I was sitting in the lazyboy
listening to music and perusing CLAPTON ( eric clapton's autobiography) when he really grabbed my attention by using the term "gobsmacked". the
dictionary states it is British slang meaning flabbergasted or being struck dumb with awe or amazement. The book is mostly the story of clapton's
recovery from drug and alcohol addiction with his love of music providing the staying power to pull him thru from
sucidial despair to a peacefull and happy family life. Besides being a successfull musician he founded a
drug and alcohol rehabilation center called Crossroads
in Antigua. After finishing that i read Into the Wild. I had
recently seen the movie which i was gobsmacked by.
It may be my favorite film of the year.

Robert Hass won the National Book Award for poetry .

Happiness
Because yesterday morning from the steamy window
we saw a pair of red foxes across the creek
eating the last windfall apples in the rain—
they looked up at us with their green eyes
long enough to symbolize the wakefulness of living things
and then went back to eating—



and because this morning
when she went into the gazebo with her black pen and yellow pad
to coax an inquisitive soul
from what she thinks of as the reluctance of matter,
I drove into town to drink tea in the café
and write notes in a journal—mist rose from the bay
like the luminous and indefinite aspect of intention,
and a small flock of tundra swans
for the second winter in a row was feeding on new grass
in the soaked fields; they symbolize mystery, I suppose,
they are also called whistling swans, are very white,
and their eyes are black—



and because the tea steamed in front of me,
and the notebook, turned to a new page,
was blank except for the faint idea of order,
I wrote: happiness! It is December, very cold,
we woke early this morning,
and lay in bed kissing,
our eyes squinched up like bats.



On a more personal note my neurologist's tests showed nothing conclusive but
ruled out brain problems. he believes the seizure was caused by pacemaker failure
but he said he could not prove it. He said I can quit the anti-seizure drugs and apply
for exception to the 6 months legal limitation of no driving. However he said the application
would probably take several months to process. So I probably won't be driving till march.